


Wide Awake Before I Found You

by SOMETHINREAL



Series: sungjin is an idiot [3]
Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Fights, Kinda, Kissing, M/M, Making Up, Rated teen for language, Sungjin is an Entire Idiot, angsty, disaster gay! sungjin, platonic dopil because we love bestfriends! dw and wp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 10:42:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15459585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SOMETHINREAL/pseuds/SOMETHINREAL
Summary: “I mean, if you were going for an overgrown baby, it’s perfect, Wonpil-ssi.”(alternatively: the one where sungjin is stupidly in love with wonpil but can't stop insulting him because he's a mess).





	Wide Awake Before I Found You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mydaydream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydaydream/gifts).



> this prompt was given to me by a very good friend of mine: [mydaydream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydaydream/pseuds/mydaydream)! i've actually put off writing this for a while because i suck but definitely be sure to give them some love and check out their fics! i really enjoyed writing this haha sungjin is the most panicked, disaster educing gay you will ever see and the saddest part is that he still thinks he's not gay smh
> 
> ps this is unedited like every single one of my fics ever ! no shade no tea !

It’s not that Sungjin _tries_ to be mean to Wonpil, it’s just that it _happens_. He has a severe problem with his brain not catching up to his mouth, which says stupid things that make people mad without a second thought (or any thought, as we will later come to learn). And it’s not even over things that matter-- it’s stupid shit like their nightly movie choices and what to wear out. Sungjin doesn’t like being mean to Wonpil, because the idiotic word garbage that comes out of his mouth is the absolute opposite of what he wants to say. Because he is completely and totally in love with and pining over Kim Wonpil, he just has a God awful way of showing it.

And it’s really detrimental, because not only is Sungjin struggling with realizing that he is not as straight as he used to think he was, but that he’s also not as good with feelings as he’d thought and that he’s in love with his bandmate. Which, if it wasn’t apparent, is a big no for both the company’s rules and Korea’s morals. So Sungjin covers his not-so blatant affection with rude comments and a standoffish attitude, because if he can’t openly like Wonpil (not that his brain would let him anyways), he might as well push Wonpil as far away from him as possible in order to cover the fact that he’s not okay with too many things to count.

Today, Sungjin is sitting on his bottom bunk while Wonpil is deciding what to wear. He’s gone through so many outfits, all of which would have been fine, as they’re just going out for ramyeon, but Wonpil just _has_ to be perfect. He actually looks comfortable in this cute pair of overalls and a baby pink crewneck, his hair fluffy and ruffled from putting it on. He looks like an overgrown child in the absolute best ways. Sungjin kind of wants to squeeze him and kiss him silly but he covers it by shoving his nose in a book.

“Hyung,” Wonpil calls, pulling Sungjin from his mock attention to the book. He’s been more invested in watching Wonpil claw through his clothes as opposed to the actual book in his hands, of which he’s had to reread the same page at least ten times. “Does this look okay?”

And it looks better than okay, it looks _adorable_ and Sungjin _loves_ it, but naturally, this is not what comes out of Sungjin’s mouth. “You look like a child,” he says, and can feel the regret pulse through his body as Wonpil’s face falls.

“Fine,” he says, face hardening. “I’ll change into something more _appropriate_ for someone my age, then.” And it’s so sarcastic and Sungjin definitely deserves it, but he can’t keep his mouth shut and has to worsen the situation.

“No!” he says, _It’s a good look on you. You look amazing._ “I mean, if you were _going_ for an overgrown baby, it’s perfect, Wonpil-ssi.”

Wonpil furrows his eyebrows, scowls at Sungjin. “Get out while I change.”

“You never make me--”

“I said get out, hyung.” Sungjin mentally slaps himself.

 

-

 

“Hey, hyung.” It’s Brian who’s bouncing over to Sungjin, latching onto him. He doesn’t shake him off, just lets Brian dangle from his arm with a mild look of distaste clear on his face. He’s not sure if Brian notices or not but even if he had, he probably wouldn’t have stopped anyways. They’re quite a few paces behind the others, who have decided to take the stairs to walk off their meals. Sungjin and Brian opt out and take the elevator. “Why was Pillie so weird tonight?”

Sungjin just shrugs, because he knows that it had been his comment that made Wonpil quiet and reserved but admitting it is never easy.

“Don’t give me that bull,” Brian says. “What did you say to him?”

“I told him he looked like a child in the outfit he was originally planning on wearing.”

“ _Dude_ ,” Brian deadpans. “Not cool. That’s _literally_ his thing. He looks up to you because you’re his hyung, you know that. If he’s going to listen to anyone it’s probably going to be you or Jae. Why would you say that?”

“Because it was true!” Sungjin exclaims, stepping into the elevator and hitting the button for their floor. “But he looked cute and I don’t know how to handle it when he looks cute so I’m just really mean and I-- I need to stop.”

“No shit you need to stop.” Brian rolls his eyes. “Man, I thought you had a _crush_ on him.”

“Don’t call it that! I’m not twelve, Younghyun.”

“You’re acting like it, dude. When are you going to man up and stop acting like he’s the worst person to walk the earth?” Sungjin scowls at him.

“Don’t talk to me like that. I’m still older than you.”

“Look,” Brian says, pushing open the door to their flat. “All I’m saying is that this can’t go on forever. Just because you can’t accept your feelings doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have any. That gives you something to chew on.”

 

-

 

It’s after ten pm now and they’re all on various items of furniture (or, sections of the floor in Jae and Dowoon’s cases) in various places of the room watching some horror film that Jae had said was really good and decently scary. They figured that if it really would be so scary, they could just cheer up with a romcom after. And _boy_ , is it scary.

Sungjin’s not really a fan of horror, simply because it isn’t something he typically finds himself indulging in, opting out of watching scary films and instead wasting his time watching an action film or maybe a comedy, some mindless brain food, but tonight he’s kind of on a halfway point between enjoying it and being scared shitless. It’s fine, though. He’s got a blanket that he’s sharing with Brian on the couch, a bowl of popcorn, and a pillow from his room to keep him safe.

It’s around midway through the film that Wonpil asks to be in between him and Brian on the couch because it had been too scary alone in the arm chair. Sungjin is still thinking it over when Brian lifts the blanket and pats the spot in between them. And it’s not inherently bad, because while Sungjin is still a dick most of the time, he can’t lie and say that Wonpil’s presence isn’t nice. Wonpil is warm and soft and whiny and so _cute_ that it just makes Sungjin want to be in his presence all the time, even if one cruel part of him won’t let that happen.

There is a particularly scary scene where Wonpil whimpers and curls into Sungjin’s side, but Sungjin must tense too much because when Wonpil pulls back to curl into Brian instead, there’s a look of hurt on his face. That time, Sungjin hadn’t intended to be mean (not that he ever did), he was just nervous and weighing his options and he wanted to let Wonpil curl into him and wrap his arms around him and let Wonpil cower into his chest, wanted to protect him from the CGI demon on screen, but he’s stupid. Not stupid enough to miss the glare that Brian shoots him when he wraps his arm around Wonpil. It screams _What the fuck, dude._

And as Sungjin curls into his pillow and digs in his chin, he thinks that it will never amount to Kim Wonpil.

 

-

 

They’re all sitting at the table at dinner when it happens. Sungjin fucks up worse than he ever has. There’s not even any build up to it really, Jae was just talking about some article that one of the bigger k-news outlets posted of some old footage of him from an audition when he was sixteen, how embarrassing it was, the usual table talk. Wonpil is across from Sungjin, eating away at a piece of bread, looking down into his lap when Dowoon pipes up.

“Today while all of you were out, Wonpillie-hyung made me kill a spider for him. You should have heard him scream,” he says through a laugh. “I’m surprised that we aren’t getting noise complaints.” Everyone chuckles at that, grins wide, but all Sungjin can muster is the smallest upturn of his lips.

Wonpil looks up from his meal with a mock grimace on his face, though Sungjin can see the smile that’s peeking through it. His chest all of the sudden feels very tight with something he can’t quite comprehend at the moment, but recognizes all too well. “It was huge! Don’t listen to Dowoonie. He’s just trying to make it out like he’s a saviour or something.”

“It was hardly the size of my pinky nail and it was on the ceiling with no intent of hurting you, hyung.”

“It was giant and had every intent of hurting me. Don’t make me look weak.”

“You know,” Sungjin says, and he can’t even stop himself before he does, his brain not catching up with his mouth, but he realizes the weight of what’s about to come from himself as the words leave his lips. God, Sungjin is so _stupid_. “Maybe if you weren’t such a _baby_ , you wouldn’t have to call for Dowoonie to help you.”

The table falls silent.

Sungjin feels each pair of eyes fall on him, and his pinches his thigh through the rips in his jeans hard to reprimand himself for being so fucking idiotic. He can’t look Wonpil in the eye, can’t look any of them in the eye. Why must his mouth betray him like this?

“Why?” Wonpil asks when he stands up. “Why do you always have to be so _rude_?” Sungjin only looks up to him when he hears a chair clatter to the floor.

“Wonpil-ssi--”

“Even _still_ , you don’t even speak to me informally. I’ve been _nothing_ but nice to you since we were trainees. I’ve always tried to help you, I never talk back to you, I always show you respect and appreciation and all you return that with is such awful words! I don’t know why you hate me, but I’m fucking sick of it, hyung!” And Sungjin knows he messed up bad because Wonpil _never_ swears and there are tears in his eyes when he storms away, slamming the door to Jae, Brian, and Dowoon’s room shut. He must want to stay as far away from Sungjin as possible.

Sungjin doesn’t try to be mean, he doesn’t want to be, because he _loves_ the things that he calls Wonpil out for. He loves the way that his natural instinct to get what he wants is to act cute, loves that he’s scared of bugs and has to get their youngest to kill them for him, loves that he dresses in clothes much to big for him and is always so nice. Sungjin loves _him_ . He has a fucking _awful_ way of showing it.

Everyone is still staring at him, while Sungjin is staring at the chair that’s been knocked over and Wonpil’s half eaten dinner.

Dowoon sighs. “I’ll go talk to him, hyungs.”

“Sungjin,” Brian says once Dowoon leaves, “you need to get your fucking shit together. You can’t keep hurting him like that.”

“I’m not _trying_ to,” Sungjin seethes through his teeth, “my fucking brain can’t catch up to my mouth. I don’t try to say those things; they’re the _opposite_ of what I want to say. It’s so fucking _cute_ that he acts that way and does the things he does. I love that his natural instinct is to act cute and that he’s so soft-- _fuck_.” Sungjin shoves his face into his hands.

“You’ve got a really shitty way of showing it, dude,” Jae says, and then he gets up to go check on Wonpil too.

“ _Younghyun_ ,” Sungjin says, “what the fuck am I going to do? I can’t keep messing up like this.”

“You should start by dropping that whole Straight Front you put up because that shit is off putting. If you want Wonpil to like you, you need to stop acting like every touch he gives you sears holes into your skin. Then you should fucking think about what you say before you say it. And apologize. Sincerely. You know how Wonpil gets when he’s upset.”

Of course Sungjin knows how Wonpil gets when he’s upset. He’s been subject to it many times over the past years, been the cause of it more times than he can count. He gets so closed off; Wonpil won’t hesitate to give you the silent treatment for as long as it takes for you to realize what you’ve done and apologize, and sadly for Sungjin, apologizing to Wonpil just ends up with him giving more unintentional insults and making the situation even worse until one of the other members helps him out or does it for him.

“He idolizes you, you know that?” All Sungjin can do is nod because he _knows_. He knows that Wonpil looks up to him so much and always has and all he can return that with is such awful, awful things. “He thinks of you like a _god_ , Sungjin. You really can’t keep this up. It doesn’t just hurt him, you know. It hurts all of us when we see him teary eyed because _hyung said that I act too childish, hyung doesn’t like it when I touch him, why does hyung hate me?_ It hurts you too, Sungjin. I can see it.”

“I don’t hate him,” Sungjin says. “I’m so fucking in _love_ with that kid. My brain won’t let me show it because I’ve gone so long being your typical straight guy, and then he came in and made me realize that maybe I’m not as straight as I thought and it fucked me up for so long and I’ve accepted it now, Bri, I _really_ have but my brain still fucking ruins _everything_ for me.” Sungjin shakes his head, breaking off with a sigh. After a long moment of silence: “I need to think. I’m going for a walk.”

“Your food is going to get cold,” Brian says, but Sungjin just shrugs and throws on his coat.

“I’ve lost my appetite.”

 

-

 

When Sungjin returns from his walk, Wonpil is curled into Dowoon’s side on  the couch, face red like he’s been crying for the past half an hour and has just gotten over it. When Sungjin walks into the living room, Wonpil doesn’t spare him a glance, eyes trained to the drama on screen. Dowoon glances, though, and he shoots Sungjin a look, silently pleading for him not to fuck things up any more than he has already. Wonpil only looks at him when he steps in front of the television, obscuring their vision.

“You’re blocking the TV,” Wonpil deadpans, so emotionless that a pang of guilt hits Sungjin in the chest. He doesn’t budge, but when he tries to open his mouth to say something, nothing comes out. “ _Sungjin-ssi_ , please go away. I don’t want to see you right now.” And Sungjin deserves it. It’s not fair that he refers to all of the other members informally and he’s known Wonpil just as long but still tacks on _ssi_ to the end of his name, but it hurts knowing that he’s been messing Wonpil up this bad for so long.

“Wonpil-ah, can I please talk to you?” He glances in Dowoon’s direction. “Alone?”

“If you’re just going to insult me, I don’t want to hear it.”

Sungjin deflates. “No, Wonpil, look-- I-- I want to apologize sincerely. I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you. Please just let me talk to you in private.” Wonpil glances between Sungjin and Dowoon for a few moments like he’s weighing his options. He nods after a moment.

“Go on, Dowoonie. I’ll call you if I need anything.”

When Sungjin takes Dowoon’s place on the couch, Wonpil doesn’t look at him. “Wonpil-ah,” he says, the informality is strange on his tongue but he knows it’s what Wonpil deserves, what he needs to hear. “Please look at me.”

Wonpil’s eyes are red when he turns, like he’s going to start crying but is holding it off for both of their sakes. “I just don’t understand what I did that could make you hate me as much as you do. I’ve always been so nice, and I never talk back and I always try to help you and go to the others for advice instead of you because you always act like you need space, but I just don’t get it, hyung. Why do you hate me? What did I do to you?”

“I don’t hate you, Wonpil. I never hated you. I _could_ never hate you. There’s nothing to hate.”

“Then why are you so mean to me?” Wonpil asks. “You say that you don’t hate me, but your actions and words are telling me differently.”

“Because I’m stupid, Wonpil-ah. Because…” Sungjin trails off, voice trembling as anxiety begins to fill his chest.

“Because?”

“Because I-- I love you.” Wonpil just furrows his eyebrows. Sungjin sighs. “I’ve always been your token straight guy, right? You know, always so overly masculine and gross that it was a little off putting. And I always thought that I was the token straight guy, and I was very content with being the token straight guy. But then you came in and it hit me,   _fuck_ , what if I’m not as straight as I thought? So it was just sort of a down spiral from there. You showed no more interest in me than you did anyone else, so I figured that if I act like a standoffish asshole, my feelings will go away and I could just be the token straight guy again. Clearly it didn’t work because I am completely and totally in love with you and I hate that I’ve put you through so much shit and I don’t want you to feel pressured from what I’m saying and if you don’t reciprocate the feelings that’s fine and j-- _ow_.”

Wonpil shuts him up with a few hard punches to the shoulder. “You’re so _stupid_.”

“I know.”

“Hyung, why do you think that I always wanted it to be you giving me advice? Why do you think that I always go to you first even though your responses were never nice? I’ve liked you since we were trainees. You are the biggest idiot I’ve ever met.”

“Oh my god,” Sungjin says, covers his face with his hands. “But you do-- you do that with the others too? How was I supposed to--”

“Hyung, the only reason that I would ever go to them and do the same thing is because you'd been denying me of it for the past five years.”

“I’m so stupid.” Sungjin groans. He can hear Wonpil suppress a laugh.

“Yes, hyung,” Wonpil says, “you’re a whole idiot. But, does it even matter now? I know that you don’t hate me, and I don’t hold a grudge. You know that I love you back, so what’s the deal?”

“Can I kiss you? I’ve been wanting to do it for a while now.” Wonpil’s only response is cupping a hand around the back of Sungjin’s neck and pulling in in. Kissing Wonpil is better than Sungjin could have ever imagined. He’s sweet and soft and pliant and so inviting and willing to let Sungjin in. He tastes of mint but also suspiciously like the candies they’d been saving for tomorrow’s movie night. He feels like the relief of coming home after a tiring day of work, of the familiar pleasure that seeps through your bones when you hear the opening chords of your favourite song. Kim Wonpil feels like everything Park Sungjin has been missing out on.

When they pull apart, Wonpil’s eyes are watery again like he’s about to start crying again. Over what, Sungjin hasn’t the slightest clue.

“What’s wrong?”

Wonpil shakes his head. “I’m just happy.”

Sungjin smiles tinily. “You really _are_ a baby.” But when Wonpil frowns, he’s realized his mistake. “ _Fuck_ no wait-- I mean, like a really cute baby that I love and treasure very much.” But maybe that’s stupid to so Sungjin just has to speak up and ruin it a little more. “I mean-- I meant--”

Wonpil silences him with another kiss. “Stop talking,” he mumbles against Sungjin’s mouth. And for once, Sungjin listens.

(Later, when Brian finds them curled up on the couch together under the fleece that once belonged to Jae but has since made its way out to the living room, he shoots Sungjin a knowing look. _I told you so,_ he mouths, and as much as Sungjin hates to admit it, he’s glad that he followed Brian’s advice).

(The rest of the members, however, are appalled to find that they’re in love. They make the two of them promise not to get up to any love making on the couch for the love of god because they all sit there and crash when they’re too tired to go to their own rooms. Sungjin threatens to kick them out of the band. All is right).

**Author's Note:**

> [twt](http://twitter.com/hfkyounghyun)


End file.
